French Action Hero

Track Info

  • Title
    French Action Hero
  • Released
  • Duration

Original Release

Cover Art for French Action Hero
Single

About

French Action Hero is an unreleased collaboration between Robbie Williams and The Connects, a Los Angeles-based rap collective that included Dylan Trussell, brother of Williams’ wife Ayda Field. Recorded around 2012, the track circulated only online and was never officially issued, though fan uploads have preserved it on YouTube. It is considered one of the rarest recordings associated with the Swings Both Ways sessions.

The Connects were formed by Dylan Trussell and David Dinetz and were active in the early 2010s Los Angeles music scene. Their work indirectly led to Williams meeting producers Tim Metcalfe and Flynn Francis, who would later co-write much of Take The Crown and Swings Both Ways. French Action Hero therefore stands as a link between Williams’ swing revival and his later pop-electronic period.

The song takes its title from Belgian actor Jean-Claude Van Damme, humorously described as a “French action hero”. Williams contributes the chorus, singing the refrain “I want to be your French action hero” with a gravelly intensity, while The Connects deliver rap verses filled with provocative imagery and wordplay. The track’s explicit references to sex and violence contrast sharply with Williams’ melodic hook, giving the song a deliberately chaotic and underground character.

“Every time Rob came on and sang, I loved that sound. It was like, yeah, that’s the voice I really like.”Robbie Williams Rewind podcast

Although French Action Hero remains unavailable on streaming platforms and most of The Connects’ online material has since been deleted, the track endures as a curiosity for collectors. Its importance lies less in its lyrical content than in the creative connections it fostered, introducing Williams to collaborators who would shape his sound for the rest of the decade.

Lyrics

It's the year 2004, time travel is reality
You are charged with violations of TEC code 40.8
Time travel with intent to alter the future
And a crime. This scum is not going back to steal money

Damn, Jean-Claude van Damme
Damn, Jean-Claude van Damme

Parle Français Robbie Williams
No!
Parle Français Robbie Williams
No!
Parle Français Robbie Williams
No!

No, I'm not gay, but I do dress that way
And son, I still get laid
I don't dodge bullets but I dodge grenades
It don't matter what she looks like, it matter what she weighs

'Cause it's quantity over quality
No repeats, miss, stop calling me
If you get knocked up, here's my policy
I don't do refunds in this economy

Ain't no stopping Jean-Claude on his prime
Greased up, chest hair, bringing sight to the blind
But check it, like your breath when you're leaving the house
And we were fuckin' dead, so I don't like not leaving the mouth

Picture, fit your bra girl, leavin' them out
I'm like Bear Grylls when I'm eatin' you out
Meaning, you're kinda gross, but I'm eatin' you out
Say peace to my piece, now I'm peacin' it out

Je ne sais parle Français, s'il vous plait, let's connect
Je ne sais parle Français, s'il vous plait, let's connect

I want to be your French Action Hero Robbie Williams
Jean-Claude van Damme
I want to be your French Action Hero Robbie Williams
Jean-Claude van Damme

My M. Night is M. Night Shyamalan
To end blight, I'll borrow some marijuana
Waking up with no bottom, no problem
The ambient champion, I'll see you tomorrow

Let me show you how to get loose
Take one of the red and see what the blue take
One to the head, blown over the cool
But let us dump out of my mouth

Brain turning a soup, man
A plan to dam, a dam, a van, a dam, a grant
Ain't a plan to slam
Oh my god, oh my god

Looking like a retard version of Gene Card
The way he dress a little bit gay
No pants on, cause they're ripping away
Getting my dance on, people tell me to stop
But I ain't gonna stop, let me hear the beat drop

Double impact
One pack's a piece
One pack's a punch
One pack's a piece
One pack's a punch

I wanna be your French action hero Robbie Williams
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Just let me be your French action hero Robbie Williams
Jean-Claude Van Damme

I-I-I wanna be your French action hero Robbie Williams
If you don't have any rubbers, better get some protection Robbie Williams
This beat is giving me a fucking full-on erection Robbie Williams
Yeah, yeah Robbie Williams
Yeah, yeah Robbie Williams
Yeah, yeah Robbie Williams
Say yeah, yeah Robbie Williams

Don't have any rubbers, better get some protection Robbie Williams
This beat has given me a fucking full-on erection Robbie Williams
Yeah, yeah Robbie Williams
Sing, yeah Robbie Williams
Yeah, yeah Robbie Williams

Got a head full of booze headed straight to the club
Headed straight to the table, headed straight to the drug
Secret agent bitches are trying to show me love
Playing marry, fuck, kill, I'm all the above

The girl's loaded and she's itching to spray
But I stumble and give my position away
So I cock back, you never see me delay
She pulls out a Glock, hit the D-E-C-K

The crowd runs scared but through all the commotion
I can see that my bottle of Patron is open
So I take a couple shots and the bottle's broken
Something deep inside it just got awoken

On the trail of a set, her aroma's close
Either kill this bitch or get comatose
Well I sneak up on her with a barrel of my nine
Drop a Glock and thong at the same time

She whispers in my ear, sex on her mind
So I put it to her hand and I took her from behind
We were both getting close so I pulled out my gun
And shot a point blank in the face with my comm

I wanna be your French accent hero Robbie Williams
Jean-Claude van Damme
Just let me be your French action hero Robbie Williams
Jean-Claude van Damme
I want it, I want it Robbie Williams
I want it, I want it Robbie Williams
French action, hero Robbie Williams
French action, hero Robbie Williams
French action Robbie Williams
Jean-Claude van Damme
Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn
Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn

Credits

  • Vocalist

    Robbie Williams, The Connects

Watch the Music Video